remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
