And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
