Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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