My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
