i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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