do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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