you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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