dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize