I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
