Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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