I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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