the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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