Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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