I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its not stalking. its research.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize