and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
