u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They took my balls.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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