im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
