My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
