Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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