I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
