first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
