Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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