Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
