Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
