I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
