im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
