I'm so fucking centered right now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
