yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
