Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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