I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
