So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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