I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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