He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
