I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
