last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
