There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize