is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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