please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
