we have pet lesbian snakes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
