lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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