you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize