chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize