I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
