And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize