My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
