We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize