don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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