I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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