Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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