I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
last night I used snow as a chaser
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
