I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
