I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize