He disabled his match.com account in front of me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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