i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize