Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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