Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
