i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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