I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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