Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
