Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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