so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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