Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
