I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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