I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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