I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
