I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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