he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
