it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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