thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize