I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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