i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
