I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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