did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
