i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
