tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
