I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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