I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
