It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
