she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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