Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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