They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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