he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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