I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
