whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
