forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
