I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
