well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
