Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize