ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
