Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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