Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
