Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
