we have officially lost it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
