Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
