You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
