Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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