I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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