If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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