Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
love makes seman taste better
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
