I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
