I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
