I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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