Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
