if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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