This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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