I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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